Kaity Astraelis

But what we need to do in these moments is prioritize and schedule. And here, you might be thinking that prioritizing is about urgency. Nope. It’s about your goals and larger commitments. What are the big things you are committed to? Work backwards from there. For example, if I don’t communicate in a timely manner with my clients, my business falls apart. So, number one is communication with my clients – that means calling my new client back and getting my content organized and ready to go out on time. Now, it’s easy for me to start sacrificing my personal needs like working out in order to free up more time and power through my list, but that’s a bad idea, because if I do it once, I start making a habit of it and then I’m not a really a fun person to be around. So, I make sure I get that workout in next.

All the while, I’m starting to attune to the present moment because I’ve freed up mental and emotional space by scheduling the items on my list into my calendar. And because I don’t like being rushed when I’m checking in with my mom, I text her and get a call on the books for the next day.

The Principles of Healing are found in the Laws of Frequency. Not the rate of how often we do something, but the length of the vibrational wave of the thing – the action, thought, or feeling.

fre·quen·cy

/ˈfrēkwənsē/

1. The rate at which something occurs or is repeated over a particular period of time or in a given sample.
“shops have closed with increasing frequency during the period”

2. The rate at which a vibration occurs that constitutes a wave, either in a material (as in sound waves), or in an electromagnetic field (as in radio waves and light), usually measured per second.
“different thicknesses of glass will absorb different frequencies of sound”

Working with the second definition, we can safely say that absolutely everything has a frequency. From a stone, to a tree, to a thought we have about our neighbors, to a feeling we carry around in our body. The frequency can be measured on a scale. From low to high or from slow to fast.

Colors all have a frequency. Reds wavelengths are longer than violet. Neither is better, it’s just a fact, a Law of the Universe. This is how the third dimensional reality that we exist in creates itself.

Working with the second definition, we can safely say that absolutely everything has a frequency. From a stone, to a tree, to a thought we have about our neighbors, to a feeling we carry around in our body. The frequency can be measured on a scale. From low to high or from slow to fast.

Colors all have a frequency. Reds wavelengths are longer than violet. Neither is better, it’s just a fact, a Law of the Universe. This is how the third dimensional reality that we exist in creates itself.

However, we seldom understand how to apply this information about frequency to our own life. How do we apply this principal to our own reality?

I remember, on my own path, how I began to heal aspects of pain that arose in my relationship to my mother. As if living inside a miracle, elements of how I understood my mother, what I thought she thought about me, and what I thought about her, completely and utterly transformed. As I dove into the game of frequency, patterns of hurt and misunderstanding that lived inside of me seemed to dissolve. By gaining a new perspective, I not only saw where I had been stuck, but I saw how my own healing and freedom where in the palm of my hands. And how do you think my mother felt when I dropped so much baggage? Pretty good, I can tell you that. By healing myself through the principles of frequency, I helped elevate our connection and improved our relationship. (Remember: I did not set out to heal, convince, educate, or enlighten my mother! I focused on me, and thus, was able to show up with more love and more ease and inevitably the relationship shifted).

Healing, thus, brings about transformation. And this happens through raising our frequency. Please note here that transformation is very different from change. Transformation means something is different forever, at a core level. It’s the difference between painting a wall in your home (change) and knocking it down to open up the room (transformation). So let’s get down to it! There are several ways to raise our frequency. Today, I’ll walk us through the key methods: intention, breathe work, and visualization.

What do you want to serve that is greater than yourself?

That’s this month’s question…

Asking this question is powerful. It can break the cycle of obsessive thoughts and downer feelings that create suffering. It doesn’t take away the hills we will climb or the pain we might feel along the way, but asking this question can certainly accelerate us through it all.

Knowing what we are of service to gives us purpose. And when we have purpose, we have direction. And when we have direction… well, watch out, direction leads to focus, and focus is what creates extraordinary lives. With invigorated spirits, choosing where we focus the mind is everything. It is the most important thing we can do to define our life experience. And defining or re-defining our life can start by asking a simple question.

Remember, suffering is created as a result of where we focus the mind. In other words, what thoughts we listen to in our heads, what feelings we allow to take over our bodies and drive the thoughts into endless cycles. We can so easily create our own hell, and with a breath and a change of focus, we can so easily create our own heaven.

The number one thing to watch out for is whether or not we are focused obsessively on ourselves. If we are asking ourselves, “What do I have and what don’t I have? What am I getting and what am I not getting? How much money am I making or not making? How do they see me? What will they think of me?” then we are inside the game of comparison. And that is a game of self-obsession. A not-so-lovely game designed to keep the ego in the driver’s seat.

Thus, we can shift our focus from suffering to freedom by asking the question “What do I want to serve that is greater than myself?”

This can lead to a big answer like world peace, global unity, enlightenment of humankind, OR you can start right where you are (which helps the aforementioned by the way), and look to serving your partner, your children, your clients, the environment, animals… to name only a few possibilities. And if this question actually feels too big, then I invite you to ask yourself, “Who can I serve today?”

Let’s continue to break the cycle of selfishness together.

And not at the expense of our health and personal time. That’s called co-dependency, which is a different topic entirely. Service rejuvenates, is life-giving, it inspires us to care for ourselves -our bodies and minds, our sleep and diet, our spiritual connection, and more.

February is the token month for love – commercially speaking. I’m already seeing strings of hearts going up on the walls of gas stations that dot the highway from Denver into the mountains. I’m seeing the bulging isles of pink and red in Walgreens. (Who goes to Walgreens anymore? I know, I do). And while I believe that love should be celebrated, I think chalking up our most romantic gestures, gifts, and quality time to February 14th leaves us missing the point of this incarnation entirely.

Let’s just state the obvious, love should be celebrated every day, right? Then why does that feel so hard sometimes? One reason is because we collapse love and relationship into one entity. We make them depend on each other. We have gotten deeply attached to conditional love and we are suffering for it.

Let me explain.

If we allow love and relationship to exist separately as two different entities, we can begin to ease the pain many of us carry from collapsing them into a dependent association. For example, if we consider this principle and examine a parent who has treated us badly, we come to realize that our decision about the relationship can exist independently from the assessment of whether or not they deserve our love.

Too often, we decide that people -based on their behaviors- don’t deserve love. There’s actually no one on this god given earth that does not deserve love. However, what someone might not deserve is our trust and our time. This distinction can heal hearts. How? Because it is, in fact, holding back our love that hurts our hearts the most, even more than the distance between us.

Let’s go deeper.

Love is something that the heart is born to do.

The love I am talking about is a universal love that is bigger than us, while also being the fabric of what we are made of and bounded by. It’s a substance that emanates from the heart, and is not conditional. It is the kind of love that exists without opinion. It just is. And the heart celebrates this kind of love!

When we allow the shifts of relationship to complicate the heart’s desire to express itself, we suffer unnecessary pain. The love I’m pointing to does not need words or phone calls or apology letters to make it so. It is the inner choice to release oneself from holding back a natural and infinite flow, alleviate the strain we’ve bound our hearts by unknowingly. The choice is energetic and intentional.

Thus, asking our hearts not to love can actually cause physical pain, illness, premature aging, and more. The pain we feel from ending a relationship is not always about the separation or the absence, as I said, but about holding love back.

I understand, we withdraw our love because we don’t feel safe, or we want to “hurt them back,” or we want to make a point – all things that end up hurting us in the long run. I’ve been there. I’ve done it myself. And what I am saying is that you don’t have to hold back your love because you’ve set a boundary. Allow the heart to remain open while re-defining the relationship.

There are many kinds of relationships -friends, lovers, partners, parents, acquaintances, siblings, co-workers, spiritual community members, teammates… the list goes on and on. When we give ourselves the chance to see that each category of relationship carries its own unique signature of values, agreements, and style of connection, we adjust our behavior and our expectations, the way we interact, our trust and our time, but not the openness of our heart. The heart stays open.

You see, emotional freedom happens through the heart. And emotional freedom is our birthright. But in order for the heart to operate well, it must be permitted to open to the world and emanate its vibrational field to all of life. Not just some of life. In the same way a flower releases its fragrance, showing no bias to who walks by, or who admires it, or who picks a petal… it simply and freely emits its mesmerizing scent. Our hearts long for the same permission.

Therefore, if someone in our life moves from one category of relationship to another, our job is to make the necessary adjustments in our expectations. It’s an invitation to uphold our values and be in integrity with ourselves around how we show up. In this way we become empowered in our boundary making, in our communication, and in our guiding values. And when we do this, we can surrender with ease to allowing our heart to do what it does best: emit love.

FIRST: WHAT IS CAPACITY?

The most common definitions are: “The maximum amount that something can contain.” “The ability, capability, or fitness to do something.” “The ability to contain or deal with something.” “Mental or physical power.”

More often than not, capacity refers to containment and how much something can hold. A theater is at capacity. The cup is over capacity. The object cannot hold any more. It’s at its max. It’s reached its limit. I think we can all remember a moment in 2020 when we felt our emotional edges. I know I can. And it was being pressed up against these limits that had us grow past them. The struggle of 2020 was also the gift. The pain it caused also instigated growth. The challenge was also the opportunity.

So how did we cultivate capacity unknowingly? In 2020, we were all served up two key ingredients for transformation: intensity and consistency. The intensity was all around us and many felt that intensity internally as well, on an emotional level. The consistency was found in being asked to adjust and show up otherwise without relief. We were all asked, on a consistent basis, to do things differently. And when we have intensity and consistency operating, we open to transformation.

Thus, I welcome you to a new year as a new you. Whether you knew it or not, you have gained capacity, new strength to hold and contain the emotional spectrum of life!

But why is capacity so important?

Our individual capacity defines our life experience. I’m pointing to our life experience as our ability to know ourselves, relate to others, have deep meaningful relationships, feel like contributing and impactful citizens, and continue to consciously create and embrace our lives. Our ability to safely hold the inner ups and downs in the way the sky holds the weather, or a mother holds in her arms the many expressions of her child, directly correlates to our quality of life.

Yet, the most beautiful thing about capacity is that you’re never stuck with the limits of what you’ve learned. You can always create more! And that’s what we want, greater emotional capacity.

Let’s learn to manage our inner state rather than be in reaction to it. Let’s grow capacity to hold the great expanse of human emotion and learn to be the container of love that our inner life can rise and fall safely inside of. As the more we can have capacity for ourselves, the more we have for others. We lead with genuine curiosity and heart, able to manage whatever we discover inside along the way. We are less reactionary, more stable, more consistent, more fearless, and more trustworthy. By nature of this, people feel more accepted and safer in our presence. Thus, the more capacity we have collectively, the more transformed and united our world can become.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!